Wait. What? Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis Split After A Seven Year Relationship?

Gather.com – Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis have split after eight years together. Culkin and Kunis started dating in 2002. It’s unclear what caused the split. However, Kunis’ reluctance to be a married woman may have something to do with the parting.

Unfortunately, even though Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis survived the seven-year itch and withstood the test of Hollywood longer than many couples, that wasn’t enough. Mila reportedly puts marriage at the very bottom of her priority list when it comes to a relationship. Here’s what she said:

“Not to say that I don’t believe in it, but it’s just not something that’s important to me,” Kunis said of tying the knot. “But I will have children. I’m too selfish to have them now, but when I do, I don’t feel like I need to be married. I need to have a person in my life who will care for me and my children — nothing else.”

OKKKKKKAY? And I have been where this entire time? There is no way this is true, right? April Fools is a few months away. Since when did the world’s most known molested child start banging the hottest Ukrainian in show biz, and we all missed it? Didn’t this guy Kulkin do some weird ass movies in the past decade or something. Like, he played a homosexual tu-tu wearing club kid in Party Monster? I thought the whole movie was about his life. I thought I was watching his documentary or something. I just figured he was nutso.

I just can’t get over this. He’s so weird. I thought he was weird in Home Alone. Then I thought he was real weird when he was letting MJ inside his anus. Then I saw this movie and thought, the dude is definitely on his way to becoming the next hotel roo0m overdose statistic. I mean, she’s just so tan and hot, and he so weird and and pale!  It’s like a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich or something to that effect.

You know what I like about this story? I feel like I actually have a chance with her now. Before I used to feel like I could never get a shot with a sexy Hollywood celebrity, but now I feel like I could actually hit that. Maybe I should give her an email, or twitter, or Facebook her. Maybe I have a real chance here.


One Response to “Wait. What? Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis Split After A Seven Year Relationship?”

  1. Timothy Nazareth says:

    An evil SNEDDEN has got into your headden! Oh my goodness; the only way to know that you’ve been infected is to admit that you’ve been effected.
    t. nazareth

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