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Sinister Gold Digger Crystal Harris Tries To Set Up Hugh Hefner In Evil Plot

Crystal Harris was up to no good! The New York Post just outed the soon to be wife for trying to secure a $500,000 media deal for leaving Hugh Hefner at the altar. The 300 guest celebrity wedding that was scheduled for this Saturday at the Playboy Mansion, was called off abruptly yesterday after Hef tweeted “sadly Crystal has had a change of heart.” Today Harris’s sinister plot was uncovered making her “change of heart” look more like no heart at all. Her plot, to walk down the aisle of the wedding, then at the last second say “no I can’t go through with it” leaving Hef standing alone at the altar. Since the wedding was being taped for a reality series it would have been a huge media story, and that’s where this young temptress made her mistake. Harris was busted trying to set up a post wedding walk-out interview deal. Her asking price? A half a million dollars. According to the Post Harris had received some offers but nothing close the half a million she was requesting. Currently no one in either circle is talking, so its hard to say if Hef’s people found out about the plan, but most people suspect that’s what really happened. After all the guy has been in the media for over 50 years, he’s surely got some serious connections. Not to mention the mercy factor, no one wants to see someone left at the altar, especially an old legend. The fact that Harris was moved directly out of the Mansion after the initial argument says a lot, and would support this theory.

Now here’s where the story gets really good, Crystal was dating Dr. Phil’s son behind Hefs back! Harris and Dr. Phil’s son Jordan Mcgraw are music writing partners and have recently been seen canoodling in Chateau Marmont, whatever the hell that place is? Sounds like the kind of super cheesy place Dr. Phil’s son would bring you. Some of you may remember Jordan’s older brother Jay Mcgraw as the guy who married one of the Dahm triplets. I’m not sure which one, or if their still married or not, and to be honest I don’t really care, let somebody else write that story. It is funny however to note, that for all his family advice, Dr. Phil raised two playboy bunny chasers, one of which is a marriage ruin-er. I think that’s an interesting fact and says a lot, feel free to share it with your friends.

Back to Crystal Harris, what a b*tch! She tries to take down an 85-year-old media icon in his glory years, whats wrong with her? She should have been happy to be Hef’s last wife, she surely would have been set for life. Now she has to wait around for Jay to call good old dad for money, every time they want to buy something over $39.95. As for the $500,000, she wasn’t going to get that anyway, furthermore she had a lot better chance of getting paid for an interview as Hef’s wife, than she does as Dr. Phil’s sons girlfriend. Not to mention she would have got mucho dinero for the Hugh Hefner death interview which lets face it, is probably right around the corner. She is also a horrible schemer, didn’t anyone ever tell her that loose lips sink ships? If she had just kept her evil plan quiet, after the tear jerking episode at the altar, she would have been in a much better place to get big money for an interview. Who knows maybe she would have even gotten the $500,000 she was looking for? I guess it would have depended a lot on her acting skills, that and her agent, whom obviously from the situation she’s in, must suck.

How long until someone adds Crystal Harris to the Wikipedia page for Gold Digger? Everyone knows she was in it for the money from day one, but marrying the money wasn’t even enough for her. She had to double down and get her own money by playing shady games on an aging American icon for a stupid reality show. In my book that pretty much makes her the biggest and lamest gold digger in American history. Not only that, I think Dr. Phil’s son is a Harry Potter loving creep (just look at his picture). Furthermore I believe neither one of them can write a stitch of music and if they ever do put a full song together, I will be the first to post it so we can all laugh at them. I also believe Dr. Phil’s son was one of the main architects of this plot, because there is no way this chick thought this up on her own. You can see his angle here perfectly, he figured if he was the guy that stole Hef’s wife at the altar, he would be catapulted into national fame and could finally get out from his TV dads shadow. Maybe even score a reality show with his famous lil heart breaker and finally get himself some camera time. As far as I’m concerned both these two losers are both no talent hacks that should crawl back into the hole from which they came. And while we’re at it, Dr. Phil should stop calling himself a doctor until he goes to med school or puts out a rap album with Dr. Dre. As for Hugh Hefner he one of my idols, so I think he should ride of into the sunset like the true entrepreneurial legend that he is, just stop trying to impress the public by dating young girls. We get it Hef you’re the man, you don’t have anything left to prove to us, we know you’re a winner. Just kick it and fade away graciously, keeping up the girlfriend thing has got to be exhausting for you anyway these days.

Last but not least let this be a warning to all you old guys out there chasing young chicks. If you sleep with kids you can’t be mad when they piss in your bed. – Kid Chronic

2 Responses >>


  1. Great story, but annqa Nicole Smith married a billionare who was 90 when she was in her 20′s

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