Recently I went to see my doctor. I had not been there for a year. After I was weighed she noted with some alarm that I had gained 20 pounds. I told her not to worry and explained that in reality I had actually lost 10 pounds.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “You were here one year ago, at that time you weighed 220 now you are up to 240 how did you lose 10 pounds?”
“Well, you have to take into consideration that even though I gained 20 pounds from a year ago there were a couple of weeks where I actually lost some weight. I calculated that the number of pounds I lost added up to 10 pounds. Therefore I could have actually gained another 10 pounds but because I exhibited such firm self control I am going to count those pounds I lost for those couple of weeks as a weight loss of 10 pounds.”
She seemed puzzled, “but you now weigh 20 pounds more than you did last time you were here, how can you say you lost 10 pounds?”
I explained again that because I could have gained 30 pounds but I had only gained 20, this actually meant that I lost 10 pounds.”
Exasperated, she quickly lost her bedside manner. She asked me, rather impolitely, if I would like a referral to a psychiatrist. When I declined she asked me where I learned how to think this way and who taught me this type of logic.
“Debbie Wasserman Schultz,” I said.
“Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the head of the DNC.”
“I was watching the news and Debbie Wasserman Schultz explained that the president and the democrats 800 billion dollar stimulus package had actually created some 3.5 million jobs.
“How can she say they created all of these jobs when the unemployment rate went up from 7.5% when Obama took over in January 2009 to over 9.1% today?” she asked.
“The same way I lost those ten pounds,” I responded.